Stu's visit to Egypt.
10/22/01
It's autumn again. Leaves are falling and fast-paced, bone-crushing, gridiron action is in the air. At least in some parts of the world. Specifically, parts of the world where I am not.I have been actively searching for the NFL since I moved to Egypt. I know that scores are available from the Internet, but I was looking for action. Video or live, I'm not picky, and without high-speed access the downloads are too slow.
My heart leapt one day when I heard a British sportscaster on television say, "Coming up after championship darts we'll have all of the scores and highlights from this important weekend in football." I sat glued to the TV. for twenty minutes enduring toss after toss (without any bulls I might add) thinking that I would be rewarded with a witty repertoire of week one NFL match ups replete with a collection of Chris Bermanisms. Instead, I was treated to images of Manchester United versus Liverpool in an explosive, offensive shootout ending in a zero to zero tie. Somewhere in this soccer game they found ten minutes of "highlights". This was followed by countless other soccer matches that also lacked the in-your-face attitude of linebackers stuffing a running back down the throat of a weak offensive line.
I was crushed. It seems the only sports that I can get in my apartment besides soccer and darts is motocross, professional wrestling, and cricket. The only thing close to American mainstream sports is tennis and even then it's the Stuttgart Open with players I never heard of. (Although the wiener schnitzel commercials are entertaining.)
A local coffee shop, called the Green Mill, recently installed a satellite dish and the Egyptian owner, who had lived in Minnesota for twenty years and become an ardent Vikings fan, insisted that NFL games are broadcast on the ESPN channel. I was ecstatic and cheerfully arrived the next day at 8pm. I saw a thirty second spot that showed Tampa Bay Buccaneer jerseys colliding with Chicago Bear uniforms while loud jock-rock music blared in the background. These were my first images of the NFL since I got to Egypt. I was almost giddy with joy. I ordered a sandwich and a drink, sat down and when I glanced at the screen again it was showing soccer! Apparently, scheduled sports programming is suspended whenever live soccer is being played anywhere in the world.
I had a couple more close calls at the Green Mill and had come to terms with the absence of football in my life. But just when I had stopped looking for football, football found me. I was enjoying a mocha latte with several friends one Friday morning when the TV. caught my eye. The large expanse of lawn where men would usually kick a ball around had lines all over it. Then Joe Theisman and Paul McGuire were standing in a broadcast booth speaking into microphones. The familiar ESPN logo flashed across the screen as two animated helmets crashed into each other in a blaze of sparks and flame. Was one of the helmets red and blue? I sat upright and motionless, I stared in disbelief.
The table grew silent as they saw the expression on my face. Cautiously, someone asked what dire news I had seen on the TV. There was a pregnant pause as I wiped away a small teardrop and collected my thoughts. I didn't want to say it out loud for fear of jinxing it. Finally, without taking my eyes off the set, I was able to utter, "Thursday Night Football, Buffalo Bills and Jacksonville."
My Friday plans had just been changed. My friends eventually filtered out of the café as I stayed to absorb every second of the telecast. I bathed in the glow of the tube for four hours and watched my hometown Bills win their first game of the season. I reveled in every snap, cringed at the missed field goals and cheered at the final minute victory. It never occurred to me that I wasn't a Bills fan. I guess I was just ready for some football.